생각을 정리해야 하는건지 마음을 정리해야 하는건지 정말 복잡한 요즘이다. 하고 싶은것들이 생긴 지금 이순간이 너무나도 행복하고 좋지만 그와중에 포기해야 하는것들이 생기고, 이젠 더이상 누릴수 없게 된것들이 생겨서 그런지.. 아쉬움과 이상하게 복잡한것들이 많아졌다.
For instance, or should I say the #1 thing on the list is leaving Singapore.
We came to Singapore in December of 2012. Stayed until March of 2014. Just a little over a year. Then we came back in June 2015. Its been a little over a year again. And it seems like we’re going to be leaving again. A total of 2 years and 8 months is the number that we’re going to be writing down in our journals and that number seems to be getting finalized as I type this post.
I still remember our Yishun HDB house and I still remember what it was like living there with Josh. I also still feel sorry and bad for Josh because of the situation we were in. We didn’t have the extra money to spend with Josh. For instance, right now, I can go to an indoor playground or take a cab to go places with the kids. Back then I had to live with a budget of $1000 SGD per month. That included diapers, food and other household items. Kaden’s salary wasn’t as high as it is now (not saying that Kaden makes a whole lot of money, we still have a tight budget but its better than back then).
Although the HDB was a bit old and the scents of burning paper or scented candles drove me nuts. I still remember my neighbor 아줌마 who didn’t speak a word of English but managed to communicate with me. She was a person who had a warm heart and who sincerely, truly, and with a very honest heart, cared about Josh and myself. She was a very good singer too. I remember her singing along to a Chinese song near New Years.
Back then, it was a big deal going to Orchard Road and eating out with Kaden. When Kaden had about an hour left of work on Fridays or Saturdays (yes he still works on Saturdays) he would call and ask if I wanted to come out to Orchard to meet up with him. I would take Josh and the Bugaboo Bee+, head out to Yishun Station for a ride on the MRT to head to Orchard. It would take about 25 minutes but it was just well literally it was the only time (other than grocery shopping) that I (and Josh) would go out. 정말 그땐 그렇게 오차드를 가는것도 정말 재미있고 하나의 “여행” 같은 그런 기분이였는데.
Now, I live 15 minutes walking distance from Orchard Road. I now have two kids and we live in a brand new condo. It’s half the size of what we used to live in, but that doesn’t matter. We have much more things we can do now. We go out and have fun EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND (unless I feel like I need a break from going out and just want to be a lazy bum).
Although the layout of our tiny 580sqft house has changed many times. I seems like even though its small its still our HOME. Josh knows where his home is and when we come home he says “아~ 집이다~” and I think we’ve come to love this place so much that it’s really hard to let go. Literally. we’ve become so attached and it’s become so… comfy, that it seems hard to “prepare” the family (maybe just the three of us excluding Kaden cause he’s just going back to his parents place which is probably home for him too).
There are so many things at this house that LOVED to do. Putting out the laundry on the balcony, cooking, re-organizing the living room and changing the layout. All of these things I won’t be able to do when we leave. You probably guessed it already but yes, we are going to Korea and living with the in-laws for a year. A whole year. 5 adults and 2 kids living in a 800sqft house with 1 bathroom. ONE BATHROOM!!! I plan to stay at the in-laws for one or two months and getting a place to rent for the 10 or 11 months that we would have until moving into the new condo (it’s being built right now). Hopefully I can get some tutoring going on right when I arrive.
Anyways with all this in mind. I feel like we’re not moving, but we are. We really are moving. I am going to think of it as “moving for the better, for good, for something more, FOR the BEST”.