My Notes

A long long day

April 1, 2015

The other day I stumbled on Teresa’s post on Why she dresses up.

It was a post about why she gets up early before all the children to dress up and put on some heels instead of just being a zombie mom and spend the day in PJs.

Ad I read this post I though to myself “hmmm I should really be doing the same thing.”

BUT my problem is… that all my clothes to dress up in are in Korea right now. At the in-laws house.

Then I thought to myself. Instead of dressing up by putting nice clothes and heels, why not just take a shower and refresh myself, take time to do a daily devotion QT and start the day.

That lasted for five minutes. I never got to take the morning shower, I never got to do the quiet time.

The reason?

After bathing the two kids one after another at 8pm. I breastfed my little one, then put her to sleep.

That was about 9pm ish. Or maybe just a little before 9.

Then read my little boy a little, then he wanted to sleep with grandma so I let him go.

Then washed up and got into bed with Andrea. Seems like I fell asleep around 11pm ish~

Woke up at 1am to nurse Andrea.

Then couldn’t sleep until about 2am.

Woke up at 6am to nurse Andrea again. Then Andrea decided to wake everyone up at 6:30am.

Josh was sleeping in our room but then wanted to go to grandma again (he loves sleeping with grandma, probably cause she lets him do everything and anything he wants).

Then had a crazy breakfast with the kids.

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Yes I love my kids, yes they are beautiful and yes they are a blessing from God.

But sometimes I feel like I need a break and just be ME.

After a long day like today.

I tend to think about ME and look back at the things I’ve done or feel like I’m missing out on.

I’m temporarily living with my parents right now and wish that I had my own place.

A place to decorate, a kitchen to be my little space. A small garden to plant herbs and veggies.

I used to find comfort and happiness (and maybe even some self satisfaction) in cooking and decorating when I was in Singapore. Although the apartment we were in was a HDB and was almost falling apart. (Literally the walls had cracks in them.) I dressed up and went places with Josh. I took lots and lots of photos of us.

I felt happy and was happy. I wasn’t stressed, like how I am now. And I found little small happiness and was thankful ALL THE TIME.

Now I find myself complaining and yelling at Josh sometimes. I feel soooo bad.

My list of prayers are only prayed for before bed. (And sometimes that is skipped cause I’m so blown away dead tired.)

I look back at everyday, right before bed and say “Good work Vicky, you made it. Another day was safely spent with the kids. Even though you don’t have a husband to be there for you through this tough time. You made it. Lets get some rest for another day tomorrow.”

It may sound like I’m over reacting and just complaining (well I am kinda complaining), its hard. It’s super hard raising two crazy active kids by yourself.

That’s why I applaud to those women who do it by themselves.

Anyways~

I look back at today’s very very long long tiring day (hard mentally and physically) and repent.

I read this article by Teresa and push myself again. Although it was hard, it was well worth it. I did a great job of holding up and raising two beautiful children, day by day.

hugs

You can read more of it here: http://hugsandpunches.com/why-i-dress-up/

Reality is..

There are people who can do this, there are people who can’t. However, this isn’t something you HAVE to do THAT way.

It can be done in any other way. My way or your way. Doesn’t matter. We’re all mommys, we’re all great at being a mommy and we all deserve to feel beautiful and be happy.

So in conclusion.

Tomorrow, I’m going to have that coffee I missed out on today.

Tomorrow, I’m going to have that shower int he morning.

And tomorrow!!! I’m going to pray and hope for some kind of change. (Keeping my fingers crossed while I say that.)

Good nite!

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