My Notes


July 24, 2017

When coffee is a MUST.

Literally, there are days when you just want to drink a full liter of coffee.

Today is one of those days. I couldn’t sleep well last night, I woke up every three hours to breastfeed Tyler. Josh slept next to me and he would move around so much I had to literally lift him up and put him back. My legs felt like they were going to fall off. My arms felt like they were going to break every time I had to lift Tyler up. During the last feeding, I stayed up during the whole time in between feedings and to sleep when Tyler slept after 8 am. My routine has been messed up even before giving birth to Tyler and now it’s even worse.

I usually drink a cup of coffee during the morning. Right when I wake up, I usually have a cup during breakfast or I drink a cup between 10 am – 11:30 am. During the last couple of days, I’ve had to drink another cup during the afternoon, so that I can try and stay awake.

Three kids and a house that’s the size of a high school classroom doesn’t really satisfy everyone’s needs. The only way we can all stay alive and be mentally fit is if we go somewhere during the day or if the kids all nap at the same time. Now that the kids are on summer break, it’s even worse. Just typing this makes me want to close my eyes and sleep right now.

When I had Josh and when it was just the two of us during the day, Josh would play, eat when it was time to eat and sleep really well. He didn’t really give me a hard time. His tantrums didn’t really start until he turned two and now that I look back, he was just a really good baby. Andrea, on the other hand, was really a sensitive baby. She didn’t sleep during the day, she didn’t sleep during the evenings too. She wanted to be held all the time and she would want a feeding every 1.5 to 2 hours. She cried so much that her voice was gone by week 3. Doesn’t that just say it all? A baby, 3 weeks old, losing her voice cause she cried so much. She was breastfed until 22 months and she didn’t sleep through the night until she was about 18 months old. Going through two totally different kids, Tyler is like an angel. Doesn’t really cry much. Would feed, play a bit and then sleep. He’s two months old and already he sleeps through the night. Only cries when he wants to be held right before a nap. Isn’t really fussy at all and sleeps so well it’s amazing.

But with two other kids running around during the day (even though they go to bed around 8 pm) Tyler can’t get much sleep during the day with all the noise. It’s like he can only get good solid sleep during the night when the whole world is quiet. With an infant in my arms and two kids running around or fighting all the time, it’s like life is a big mess. A big gigantic MESS BALL.

And that’s why I need my coffee. A good cup of coffee every morning so that my mind won’t get thrown into the trash. It might not exactly be COFFEE that keeps me together but I’d like to think that it is. Because during those few minutes that I get to drink my coffee, I get to just focus on that one cup of coffee and nothing else. Thanks to my mother in law.

Uh, I feel like after this, I’ll need another cup.


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