Parenting Notes

Three year old’s TANTRUMS

August 27, 2015

So….

Josh’s tantrums have been getting pretty out of hand lately. He screams and starts crying about literally NOTHING.

It can start by anything. The iPad getting tipped over, Andrea touching his face, the toys falling off the sofa, something breaking or a car toy not working properly etc etc.

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When this whole thing started to get pretty crazy (I mean like he cries and screams and does the feet and leg thing on the floor then starts to jump up and down etc) I started reading and searching on parents.com for advice on this kind of behavior. There are lots of tips and advice coming from REAL parents and doctors, however, I found them to just be advice written down. Nothing seemed to be working and I was getting more and more frustrated at Josh that I really did spank him once.

Then I started to think about WHY Josh was acting this way and WHY he would only do this with me. When he’s with Kaden, he’s fine. Even when my mother in law is babysitting him, he’s fine. These breakdowns and tantrums ONLY happen with ME. As I started to think back on when this started happening, it started a little after Andrea was born. Josh wasn’t very jealous of Andrea and didn’t have issues like this when we were in Vancouver. So I started thinking about WHY he wasn’t like this before but was getting worse. To give you my answer first, it was because he was preoccupied with many things at my parents place. He had lots of toys, he had friends to play with and he had THINGS to do, like arts and crafts and painting. Here in our Singapore house…… well…. he just has a couple of trucks and CAT toys to play with.

Then I also thought about what Josh does during the day. In Vancouver he would spend most of the day outside in the backyard running around with a ball, playing with bubbles, feeding the chicken, riding his bike or car, playing with sand and rocks with grandpa etc etc. He was using his energy in some kind of a way, and getting everything out of his system. Here, in Singapore, because it’s so hot….!!! We go to the playground maybe once every two/three days? Which means he wasn’t using up the energy being built up inside. Which means~ he was using it in other ways. Getting his stored up energy out by crying or screaming. Boys… have lots of stored energy and need to physically get it out (or so they say they do on most parenting websites). That’s why it’s good for boys to play some kind of a sport as they reach puberty (is also what they say on the websites I’ve searched on).

So really HOW DO I DEAL WITH HIS TANTRUMS?!?

Well, when he starts to cry and does the wobbly body motion to kick it off, I try and take a deep breath and get ready. Seriously, I need to be prepared both mentally and physically for this to be dealt with. Or else I loose it and just wanna spank him and put him in TIME OUT for a really really long time.

Then I try and talk to him by asking what the problem is. If it’s something simple I tell to ask for help and the situation just ends there. No crying. Everyone getting what they want.

However, if it goes to him crying and screaming and talking in the “I am just going to cry and do my own thing” mode (which I don’t understand what the heck he’s saying) then I ignore him for about 5 minutes until he calms down and then try the “asking what’s wrong and trying to talk him through it” step.

It really doesn’t go down as easy as I say it cause every time he does this, I literally want to just go into a room and shut my eyes and ears so that I don’t see or hear him. AKA Give myself a TIME OUT.

The most important thing that I’ve realized through all this though is that “I” need to be mentally fit to control this. If I’m not in a good mood or if I’m really tired and exhausted, I really, seriously don’t have the energy to deal with these tantrums.

The good news is that Josh has been getting better and better. Twice a day has become once a day and now it’s maybe once a week or so?!

Eh, hopefully he’ll start to understand and talk better so that we can just talk. I really hope the day I can explain to him what he really needs to do when he feels those emotions… comes quick!!!!!!

For those of you who also have a toddler going crazy I wish you all the best luck!

If you’re christian like me, praying helps too. But I found praying for me more helped more. Praying for the child so that he doesn’t emotionally get hurt was something I also did. But praying for my spiritual well being and the strength for me hold myself together and not loose it also helped.

Anyways! Hope this helps!!!

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