Becoming a parent

It’s really not easy being a parent. Especially if you have three crazy ones going all over the place all the time. But sometimes (and I probably mean MOST OF THE TIME IN MY HEART) I really don’t mind the craziness. There are times I feel I want to just lock myself in the bathroom or something or just give Josh and Andrea my phone or the iPad for them to just be quiet and watch something (trust me, this has always been tempting for me) but most of the time, EVERYTHING IS BETTER JUST THE WAY IT IS RIGHT NOW.

Everything. With the kids, with Kaden, it all just seems to be very good right now. It all just seems to be PERFECT just the way it is right now. We’re all doing our best in whatever it is we are all doing. Me, as a mom and as a Brand Consultant. Things are going ok. Things are going fine. There are times I feel like I want to complain and just leave everything behind. But for now. I’m happy just the way things are.

Being a parent makes me realize how much effort my parents had put into making my life the way it is right now. For me to be able to speak two languages, for me to be able to design and have a sense of style in my work. For me to be able to teach my kids, things I wasn’t able to learn from my parents. For me to be able to bring things to the table with a specific characteristic style and sense of humor. It feels like everything my parents did, they did it because there was a purpose. There was a meaning for everything. God had planned everything they did ahead of time. So far ahead it was hard for them to catch onto it but there was a reason for it.

Right now, I’m searching for my purpose and my meaning for my kids. We have wanted to go back home (to Vancouver BC Canada) for the longest time. Ever since we had Josh, I wanted to raise my kids back home. Where I grew up. Where I found meaning and reasons to live for. Where my memories and dreams were based. However, it’s just been so hard for us to find a way back. With Kaden’s work and the stuff that has been going on with our families, it just hasn’t clicked. Or happened. Nothing. No line, No connection. Nothing. We have been praying for a really long time for God to make way for us to be able to go back but I guess, right now, it’s not in his plans for us to go back yet.

And that is why being a parent is so hard. Looking after the kids on a daily routine is actually easy compared to this big picture I have. That we have. Just feeding them, getting their clothes cleaned and washed, helping them with school and other chores are actually only 1/10 of, not even, of what is on the shoulders of a parent. I can’t imagine what I would have done if I was a single parent raising my kids. I would have been so lost. I am so blessed to have this. This family and this teamwork that I pray and thank god, every single day.

In Korea, there is no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. There is one day in May called Parent’s Day. On this day, we appreciate our parents and give them a carnation flower to show our appreciation and express our love for them. I got two this year, one from Josh and one from Andrea. And I gave two with the kids to our mother in law. Who helps us around the house and helps so much with the kids in every little way possible. And as I look back, it seems as if I really had not shown my love and appreciation to my parents or my parents in law for a really long time.

Being a parent makes you so narrow-minded that you only look at your kids and how YOU are just going through everything with all this craziness that it really didn’t give me time or the space to thank the people I really needed to and show my appreciation to them.

What a time of REALIZATION this week has been.

And now that I’ve realized it and have come this far, being a parent just seems like the perfect jacket for me right now. The perfect fit. The one thing I should just be focusing on right now.

Being a parent. Be a parent. Be me, as a mother. Seems like it’s what God wants me to be right now. The only thing that he wants me to be right now.

(Thanks for reading a long talk to myself that I just wanted to jot down).