Life. L.I.F.E. How do I put my life into words? I have no idea what it was I have been looking for or for what purpose I have lived this long, very difficult, and lumpy journey. I went through hell over December 2020 and January of 2021. I ended 2020 with a bang on the head and started 2021 with depression and sleeping pills.
I asked God over and over again. I asked WHY. I asked to be closer to him and I asked to hear his voice. HIS VOICE. I prayed and prayed but only saw darkness and a never-ending tunnel of sadness.
As I have posed before, our family went through a whole lot of SHIT.
Through that whole process and change, I only saw and heard one word.
Love. God is LOVE.
He IS love. is. was. always will be.
I felt the change in my mind and soul. I felt it deep. Then out of nowhere, Kaden showed me love (he gave me a big surprise and got me a new camera). Andrea showed me, love, by hugging me at least 3 times a day. Josh showed me love by solely accomplishing his schoolwork on his own. He was so proud of himself. Tyler showed me, love, by wanting me to look at him every time he pushed his little mini-car far down our hallway. Then he would come and hug me and tell me he was proud of me. He was proud I stayed in one spot and waited for him, well, that’s what he said, anyways.
In the midst of all of this, I found a loophole to shift my attention and mind. I started a new Instagram account and started uploading videos on Youtube. My main channel and platform is Instagram but I still upload on Youtube at the same time. I started a new project and now, I am so into it, it’s started to feel like I’m having fun. Learning new things every day and finding fun in the littlest and tiniest things.
Who would have ever thought that I would find FUN in something I’ve never done before. Interviewing people. Meeting new people. Something I always thought was difficult and very uncomfortable. But, I’m finding some joy and satisfaction in the process.
So! To really make it seem like I’ve changed from the person filled with depression and sadness. I decided to go BOLD and BLUE!