It’s not easy being a parent to three [totally different] kids. It’s not easy being a parent. Period. Whether you have one or three or five or ten, just being a parent to any living animal is not easy. Even having a dog is hard. I always wanted to be a good mom. I wanted to be the active, knowledgeable mom that the kids could come to at any time, anywhere. In order to be that mom, I knew I had to read lots and experience lots. And I did. But even with all those books and experiences, being a mom seems to be more about how good I can improvise.
Every moment I have with these amazing human beings, I make sure I do my best. I try and make sure I don’t have to look back and think to myself “I should have done this” or “man I really messed up.” I try and make sure if I’m with the kids, I put my ALL into everything I do with them. But notice I said, “I TRY”.
Even though I try and do my best with them, there are so many times I turn and look back regretting what I did. Because I have THREE. THREE.
Every day, I go through a time of PARENTING HELL and then HEAVEN and then repeat the whole thing all over again. Every day. Every single day. My mentality is never stable and secure. I go through so many situations and have a mental breakdown maybe three to five times a day. I’m surprised I’m still alive and living sometimes.
But even though I go through all that chaos and craziness a few times a day, I know that I can pull myself together again because of these smiles and these tiny happy moments I have with all THREE. Even writing this right now on the blog, I have two on each side of me talking about something and asking for something. Along with Kaden grinding something on the kitchen counter with the mixer out. Usually, I’ll probably have Tyler crying in this situation too, but he’s gone to bed early today. And now they’re singing. Seriously. Life can be HELL but because I love my kids and want them to know that I love them and care for them, I do my best to stay sane. To be on top of things or at least pretend I’m on top of things so that they don’t feel insecure or unsafe. Whether it’s emotionally or physically, I want them to feel that safety and security.
And because I love them so much. I love that I have THREE to love.
Writing this, I kind of want another… but that’s a whole different story.